OH GOD I'M ADDICTED TO BLOGGING AREN'T I

January 6th, 2023 — 12:00 AM

Mood: Okay
Listening to: (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding? - Elvis Costello & The Attractions
Playing: World of Warcraft
Drinking: Water

Oooooh dear. I'm kind of addicted to blogging on this thing at this point; at this rate you're going to get like, six entries a day, and half of them are just going to be my thoughts on everything under the sun. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, actually?

For The Future (the second of the three remaining Owl House specials) leaked on Canadian iTunes today, so I ended up watching it ahead of time... fuckin'... oops, I guess? Whatever, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to stop myself anyway. Great episode by the way, I can't wait for everyone else who is actually patient and in a sound enough mind to wait for it to see it, I wanna talk about it sooooo bad you have no idea. There are a few scenes in there that scratch that perfectly itchy spot on my brain, it's incredible. Awesome twists and reveals throughout, and it's always great to see MY SON HUNTER again; speaking of maternal feelings though, that's another thing I kinda wanted to expound upon at the moment (mainly because I just saw someone's post about the subject and it struck a chord in my brain that made me remember).

I feel completely alone in my friend group in being someone who wants kids? Like, is that insane of me? Obviously I wouldn't want to... I don't know, repeat the generational-trauma routine and all its mistakes, but I don't think it's selfish to want kids. I don't think humanity deserves to die, or that we're a virus, or that only the dumb have children, or anything like that. A huge part of me pulling away from internet discourse too is just... I don't want to be involved with that, for the sake of my health and for the sake of my potential future kids. I was traumatized enough by the My Little Pony fandom when I was younger, and all the absolute shitheels who called that place a homebase. Whether you can relate or not, or whether you even understand me or not, you can probably see why I don't want to associate with or associate with associates of that kind of community, yeah? Maybe it's just me and my petty moral outrages or something. ...This whole shebang recently, of me thinking about this again, started with me watching Bluey in passing (well, it actually started with ANOTHER thing, but at some point there's gonna be too many layers to even talk about honestly), which I started doing as a brief reprieve from the horrible shit on the web; and I love it not only because it's a show I wish I had growing up, but also because it's just reminding me of that whole thing of WANTING kids, which again on top of the loneliness I already sort of feel as just, a person around to be other peoples' entertainment or whatnot (or at least thinking I'm that way) that it's yet another thing I'm completely alone in. *sigh* Or am to my knowledge, at least.

Ah, anyway, I shouldn't get too caught up in fighting unwinnable battles, and focus on "bleeding for better reasons" this year. I tried going back to Discord, but I don't think it's gonna be as active a thing for me anymore. It's funny; when you go away for a few days it already feels like people have moved on. Maybe that's just the paranoia talking. Probably. In other news I caught up with an old World of Warcraft friend today, briefly at least. It was nice talking to someone outside my regular circle for once, and I hope 2023 is the year I can actually get out there and start making new friends, maybe have a different friend group or something. It's not that I want to abandon all my old friends or anything, I think I'm just... growing up, the works. Having some different ideas, different opinions, ones that I don't find reconcilable with the person I used to be maybe even six months ago. It happens! Sometimes I wish I was in high school again, honestly; things were chaotic, sure, but they were a lot less... depressing, I guess. Being a teenager sucks, but at least high school is sort of structured in a way that you get used to it, since schedules don't change that much and still have to fit within the boundaries of the day. At university, classes can start in the wee hours of the morning or at the ass end of the night, and it changes every single semester; it's chaotic!

If you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

— Puck (A Midsummer Night's Dream)